Saturday, March 23, 2013

Think Tank

** (2 stars out of 5)
A group of clever schemers will think you out of a jam... for a price. Like an intergalactic H & R Block at tax time. Free advertising! Only notice I'm not saying H & R Block are evil alien scammers.

The smarmiest nerd in the bunch, who appears and disappears at whim, is Kurros. As Kermit the Frog once said: "Introducing Jason Alexanderplutz! Yaaay!" Kurros was once, himself, the price asked of his world by these Cosmic Contemplators. Now, in order to think Voyager out of a concentrated assault by Hazari Bounty Hunters, Kurros asks for a basket of trinkets... with Seven of Nine on top.

Because we've seen from the opening teaser that these smarty-pantses, from the sculpture/robot guy to the huge grouchy whale guy, are willing to let planetary populations starve or be swallowed by earthquakes rather than forgive a debt, this is not a bargain most would enter into. Or, as Janeway puts it: "Their morality may be a little questionable." Right.

Me? I want to hear the story of how they cured the Vidiian Phage... and what they charged. But today it's the "paradox" of what to do about the trigger-happy Hazari "The Bounty Hunters With A Work Ethic!". Oh, what a surprise, the Geek Squad dressed up as Malons and HIRED them. However will they solve this sticky-wicket?

"Think Tank" asks me to believe that the Hazari can out-think Captain Janeway (who evaded hordes of Kazon for two solid years), but when we interact with them they don't seem all that bright. Also, it asks me to believe that these scam artists have been in business for hundreds of years without getting killed, screwed people over on a personal and planetary scale, even out-smarted the Borg... but implies that the Hazari will be able to beat them up. And just exactly HOW does a hologram (sorry- isomorphic projection) drink coffee? I didn't hear a 'splat' when he disappeared. I'd ask you to ignore the cheesy elements and focus on the story... but there's not much of that, either. I guess it's a warning to geeks who inherit the Earth not to become jerks.

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