Armageddon Game

*** (3 stars out of 5)

Aliens with hair by Seuss, the T'Lani and the Kelleruns, used deadly bio-mechanical bugs called The Harvesters in their centuries-long war. Now Dr. Bashir and Chief O'Brien are working with the T'Lani to deactivate the horrible little things. Bashir's cure was muon rays, and there was much rejoicing.

Except T'Lani Ambassador Sharat takes a very thorough approach: destroy all Harvesters, anybody who knows about Harvesters, or anybody who ever watched a Pumpkinhead movie. Although Miles and Julian dodge the massacre, the Chief is hit by the last drop of harvester juice.

Sisko watches the faked video of their deaths, and they hole up in a dusty bunker. Miles tries to keep the bunker working while Bashir does the same for Miles.

Dax mourns Bashir, whose latest tactic to win her heart was to give her his diaries. Which she never read. Pity. There's some juicy, self-serving stories about tennis in there! Keiko, however, believes the snuff video is a fake: because her husband never drinks coffee in the afternoon.

The closest Julian came to marriage was ballerina Pallis Delon: the bunhead's dad even offered him a prestige medical job in Paris. But he chose Starfleet: See The Galaxy, Neck With It. Miles believes marriage is the greater adventure: "It's a journey worth taking because you take it together." And, if I may say so, marriage also contains necking.

Speaking of exciting journeys, the T'Lani system is less than an hour from Deep Space Nine. That's five times closer than Bajor's ever been. The hell? The only conclusion I can draw is that when the guys on the frontier heard about the new warp speed limit they shouted "Try and catch me, bitch!" and started driving five times faster.

Also, of course Miles drinks coffee in the afternoon. I think he probably drinks it in his sleep.

"Armageddon Game" has great runabout effects, and I like the friendship reluctantly growing between O'Brien and Bashir. Otherwise, a competent but unremarkable tale.